Saline

“Why your poetry seems lost”
She asked me with a hint of pain,
“For I, a universe failed at being world to someone and this thought keep haunting me back and again.

Some days I weave galaxies other days fall down my own black holes,
Get hurt again and again still keep looking for souls.

Perhaps I have become the ocean who keep nurturing, is still saline,
I have stopped fitting in, an initiative to redefine my own boundary lines. ”

~🧜‍♀

Phoenix

I belong to this world or maybe I am the world or just a void in space, whatever it is, some days I am so full of life, feels like I could give birth to million galaxies and swallow down the burning meteoroids or maybe save everyone from existential crisis. When I see someone suffering, especially something I have been through and managed to survive, there is this invincible desire to move their world upside down and make them see, how incredibly tiny and pointless their pain/ sufferings are. Then, at the exact same moment I want to stay distant, speak only when asked and help only as much as needed to let others soak up the hell fire and be their own Phoenix.

Everyday, I come across someone who starts or end the conversation with “you/ your words saved me” and I just end up smiling, doing nothing, trying to be distant. Like how!
I can barely drag myself out to at least to breathe. I leave conversations in cliffhanger, don’t reply for weeks, worse, delete my accounts. When I am back from the shell, how everyone is still here? Why everyone is still here?

There is this person living inside me, even after all the hell I put through myself, she never left, she actually refuses to leave. And wants to save everyone, her believes in love are so strong that all my demons cry for her to leave. But she keep trying to pull off these “heroic” scenes. Once I told her, if you must,then save me from myself.To which she replied, “saving is not something you need”.
OKAY. What do I need then?

You can call me narcissist, but my world does revolves around me. I am the greatest weapon of destruction and source of healing I have ever known, and these days..

I am not sure what I am.

Fears

Walking through the empty streets,
Behind all the crumbling sheets,
Listening to my beasts,
Crying, on repeat.

I know every flower of ceiling,
Stumbling under the weight of feelings,
Tired of kneeling,
Waiting for arrival of healing.

My fan is moving,
My vision is disproving,
All the voices are fooling,
Only pain here, is blooming.

I forgot to turn off the light,
Everything seems quite,
At least,
I’m not alone in this fight,
All my fears are here,
By my right.

Pain is pain

Every time you’re hurt,
You keep coming,
Your heart,
is a heart,
Others have machines,
just running.

I’m sick of these guess games,
Haven’t you got any other to blame?
Please, stop these claims,
Your agony is a result of,
your own flames.

Kept pushing me,
Whenever I offered help.
Now, when you are drowning in sea,
You choose to Yelp?

I too, have a soul,
But you kept digging hole,
Stop roaming around,
comparing loss or gain.
Regardless of intensity,
pain is pain.

Shield

I learned his past
present
desires to fly,
The way he sounds
when his demons cry.

His scent,
voice,
fears,
Love, was divine.
I wanted to claim and
make him mine.

Under the moonlight,
on heart’s call,
I was ready to breakdown
my heart’s wall.

Everything was perfect
and fine,
until I came to know
he was dying to
call me his lifeline.

I witnessed a love,
nearly perfect.
My locality was
dancing under a special effect.

My soul was empty
and heart
full of doubt,
Over the rainfall
I ended up
choosing drought.

Pushed him away
was afraid of being healed,
Here I am,
Alone,
with my high shield.

Roads

I looked at him
while crying,
I knew
there was no use of trying.
You left and moved
towards the wood,
And I stood there,
like you said I should.
Every path I take is black,
I wonder if you ever
going to come back?
Whenever these roads
try to threaten me,
I wish upon him,
but never came he.
I know you closed every door
which led you my way,
Damn!
I still keep my hopes high
for another day.